10 things Tumblr taught me

I have a confession to make – I am one of those tumblr addicts. I often hit post limit. I have multiple fandom blogs on my account. When I close my eyes I still see the blue of my dashboard as it scrolls downwards… Okay, so I made the last one up. But you get my drift.

Having been on tumblr for about seven years (one of my most popular blogs just celebrated its sixth birthday, thank you very much), I have witnessed the good, the bad and the downright scary that is Tumblr. 

Here are 10 things the wonder that is tumblr has taught me:

10. Supernatural fans are everywhere

I don’t even watch Supernatural, but I have a better than average working knowledge of the cast and their shenanigans. I don’t think I’ve ever purposefully followed a Supernatural blog, yet it is always turning up on my dashboard. I have even unwillingly been subjected to my fair share of Supernatural fanfiction… I don’t want to talk about this anymore.

9. Tumblr after dark is a scary place

Point in case: night blogging. Any resemblance of sanity the collective tumblr users have during the day time (relative depending on your time zone) becomes completely annihilated once it hits evening in your country.

8. Any form of discrimination is NOT okay

It is probably the most accepting of all the social media platforms. If anyone is seen using a racist/sexist/anti-feminist/homophobic etc. slur, they get called out pretty pronto.

7. You are never alone

I have found it to be a place of acceptance and love. If I have made a post about a bad day, I often get several inboxes from total strangers offering to talk my problems through with me, or just giving me a random reason to smile. 
There are millions of users who are actively blogging things that you are personally passionate about; it’s like having a lovely, online family. If you are on a down day, even typing the word ‘depression’ into the search bar will trigger tumblr to refer you to helpful resources, such as the Samaritans.

6. Your selfies will never go without a like

It is a rule. Tumblr appreciates everyone for their own unique beauty – both inside and out.

5. If you thought you were super weird; you’re not

I say this in the most loving way possible, but there are some pretty strange people on tumblr! My favourite by user snazziest: “Imagine if teeth giggled when you brushed them because they’re ticklish”. The mind boggles…

4. If tumblr users worked at the Oscars – Leonardo di Caprio would have thousands

It is no secret that Mr di Caprio is incredibly underrated when it comes to winning awards for his acting. However, tumblr seems to have some incredibly strong, and frankly insane, feelings about it. For example, the infamous sad Leo Oscars selfie:

 3. Tumblr practically has its own language

Most of them are fandom / movie references, where tumblr users can have their own inside jokes.

•          I came to have a good time and honestly I’m feeling so attacked right now
•          The "I don’t think you even tried at all" star
•          I just
•          TFW
•          asdfghjkl
•          nice nice very good
•          such fun much love
•          I’m back, b*tches
•          why is this a thing
•          sassy tumblr is sassy

Oh, and punctuation totally isn’t allowed. (But get your grammar wrong at your own risk…)

2. The tumblr staff are just as crazy as their users

If they are not adding to your text post with some sassy remark, calling their users idiots, creating ridiculous terms and conditions in the hopes we will spot them, then they are making making awful jokes, for example...

1.  Love comes in the most unexpected of places

I’m going to make number one short and sweet. I met my beautiful boyfriend of nearly ten months on tumblr after he sent me a very nice inbox, and the rest is history. 

How I discovered social media can hurt finished friendships

We’ve all been there in primary school when someone has said ‘I’m not your friend anymore!’ to us, and it’s simply seemed like the end of the world. Part of growing up, I’ve sadly come to realise, is losing people. We drift apart, we grow up, we lose contact – it happens.

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However, I seem to be one of a small minority who feels like this loss, although a potential for temporary heartbreak, is healthy. (Not to say that I relish losing my friends, that would be very unhealthy). What I’m saying is, it is a fact of life that some of the people you grow up with will not be the ones you share your bingo days, your 50^th wedding anniversary, your 30^th birthday or even your graduation with.

Of course, some friends you make you will make for life and these are worth holding on to at any cost and treasured. (Someone came to your mind just now, right? Text them, call them, tweet them right now and tell them you love them). But these will be few and far between, which is exactly what makes them so special.

For the friends who just drift to the side-lines of our lives, having their occasional presence on our social media platforms isn’t so much of a big deal. It may even occur to you to like their engagement selfie as a whimsical expression of goodwill, for old time’s sake. But what about the ones who have hurt us, with whom we have had a granddaddy type fall out that even the protagonists of ‘Mean Girls’ would be jealous of? It’s hard to tiptoe around something like that on social media.

Before I continue, I feel it important to say that I am not a confrontational or antagonistic person, but a very anxious one. Having myself been isolated from a group of friends a few years back, I found it very difficult watching their updates on Facebook. Without any physical presence in my real life, they were still haunting me every time I checked my phone. Any tweets with a sly dig involved, I would instantly head spin into a panic. Is it about me? Is she referring to that embarrassing thing that happened to me a few months ago? She wouldn’t make a status about it, would she? WOULD SHE?!?!

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All this unnecessary worrying got me thinking. What happened in the days before social media, before we were all continually updated about every single thing happening in each other’s lives? Scary as it is to consider, I think we all just let go. When a friendship comes to a natural end, it is just that – the end. It is supposed to hurt a bit and it is supposed to teach you a lesson. It is a time for self-reflection - for deciding what you would do differently in your next friendships, and to promise yourself what type of friendship you deserve (i.e. the answer for you, my friend, is the very best. Never settle for anything less).

Taking a very big deep breath, I began to “unfriend” people from Facebook. Undoubtedly an already much referred to point, but not everyone on my Facebook is my “friend”. I didn’t want the process to be a flip off to those I had shared some of my best memories with, a reincarnation of the primary school “I’m not your friend anymore”. What it was, and what it needed to be, was a personal refresh. A new start, to prevent my already anxious flames being fanned unnecessarily by unexpected pop-ups in my News Feed. Perhaps what I couldn’t see wouldn’t hurt me, after all. One by one, as these people disappeared, I felt a weight lifting off my shoulders.

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For some, I even went so far as to block, to prevent any future contact. It was important to me to have a real sense of closure. It also prevented me from looking at those whose profiles had ‘public’ settings. Deleting them seemed to be only half the battle if I could still tempt myself into looking at their statuses and tagged photos, only to be inevitably saddened by what I saw and angry at myself for peeking.

It isn’t immature and it isn’t selfish. What it is is self-preservation. People existed and conducted their relationships in a perfectly healthy manner before social media became a craze, and they will continue to do so long after the hype has died down. Why continue to let yourself be upset by something on social media because society is telling us it’s the thing to do?

I am not telling you to maliciously remove people from your life or to create unnecessary conflict. There is enough hate in the world without adding more. But what I am asking of you is to consider yourself first, without allowing yourself to be led to believe it’s selfish. Remember the age-old saying by author unknown; “not everyone you lose is a loss”. If you don’t want to see the updates of your old friends, then don’t. It’s that simple. Let them go. You’ll feel much better for it - I promise.

Why Lily Allen's 'Hard Out Here' single backfired as a feminist message.

Before I get started, I want to make it clear that I am, in fact, a massive fan of Lily Allen. Despite the ideas I am going to discuss regarding her thwarted attempt to create a feminist message using the song Hard Out Here and its accompanying music video, I do really like Allen, both as a person and a singer. I recognize that, although misguided, her attempt to communicate a feminist message is still a positive step, even if this time it unfortunately failed.

It is important to first address the creepy elephant in the room - I'm looking at you, Robin Thicke. Allen makes no attempt to hide the fact that Hard Out Here is a response to the contentious singer's debut single Blurred Lines, featuring Pharrell. We cannot discuss one without the other, so I will briefly describe the infamous debacle that followed Thicke's emergence into the popular music industry. For those who had their eyes and ears shut for the majority of 2013, Blurred Lines was a single which raised the hackles of many feminists and rape survivors. The message behind the lyrics was clear - consent is not a black and white issue but a subjective and ambiguous animal. Let me say that this is irrefutably incorrect. The woman in the song is either giving her permission to be engaged with sexually, or she is not. There are no two ways of looking at consent - either it is present or absent. In its absence, the woman should be shown nothing short of respect and space. Lyrics such as "I know you want it" (rape victims often hear this by their abusers as a means of self-affirmation) demonstrate his idiocy and ignorance of a sensitive topic. Taking advantage of the fact that sexual abuse is not treated with the seriousness it deserves by the legal system and the eye of society, Thicke has ridden on the back of discrimination against women and their sexual autonomy with a view of making himself money. And we, as a society, made him filthy rich.

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The video for Blurred Lines featured messages in the background (behind the girls in underwear dancing with the married father of one) such as "ROBIN THICKE HAS A BIG DICK". This self-celebration of his alleged manhood, and the power this apparently gives him, does much to demonstrate the patriarchal society we are subjected to live within today.
In retaliation, Allen's Hard Out Here video features balloons spelling "LILY ALLEN HAS A BAGGY PUSSY". No doubt a comment to the ridiculousness of Thicke's video, this may be the only part of the video I like. Her unashamed, tongue-in-cheek manner of portraying herself further identifies her as 'unfeminine' (according to the traits we as a society assign femininity: i.e. meekness, demureness, chastity, innocence, polite acquiescence, obedience), for she is loud and confident when screaming about her 'undesirable' womanhood.

Further than this, her lyrics aim to take a swipe at the misogynistic pop culture that has worsened during her (self-imposed) musical hiatus. Allen encourages us to "forget your balls and grow a pair of tits / it's hard, it's hard, it's hard out here for a bitch". The use of the word 'bitch' here is a reclamation of the term, to free it from it's intended insulting connotations and instead becomes something to be used with pride. However, not all of her lyrics encompass the feminist message. "You'll find me in the studio / and not in the kitchen" is probably aimed at all the popular jokes surrounding women retiring to the kitchen and fetching their men sandwiches. I can see why she has said it, but I think such lyrics are counter-productive.

http://ignitetheliight.tumblr.com/post/68478477806

For me, the essence of the feminist message has two prongs. The first is that women should be equal to men in all aspects of life; be that religion, politics, freedom, employment, etc. The second is that women should have the freedom of choice over themselves. This encompasses a wide range of things, such as sexuality, employment, marital status, motherhood, appearance, etc. The feminist message I believe in would support a woman if she wanted to be a biochemist as equally as it would support a woman who had made the informed choice to be a stay-at-home mom. Neither choice should be coupled with ridicule, disbelief or discrimination.What Allen is effectively doing with this particular lyric is alienating women who choose to be housewives by making them appear as subordinate to those who choose to pursue careers; she identifies as one such woman. I think that Allen has missed the point somewhere that feminism means equality for all women as all men; not only for some women. I am reminded of a quote by George Orwell, in the literary masterpiece that is Animal Farm; "All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others".

Further to this, Allen mocks the misogynistic music videos that men make, and women perpetuate. Her satire is merciless when she approaches media-heavy topics head-on; such as weight (an agent is speaking to her on the operating table and chastising her for her looks, as if aesthetic appeal is more important than the music she has to sell, despite her having had children) and when she is stood in the kitchen, in a seductive outfit and washing up (only instead of a plate, it is assumably her male partner's car rims).

As she says herself, "I don't need to shake my arse for you / cos I've got a brain".
This, unfortunately, is pushed to the wayside when her video features some women 'twerking' in very little clothing and pouring water all over eachother. I assume it can only be meant as a sarcastic parody, but the slow motion shots of women's backsides jiggling in time to her music indicates otherwise. Perhaps the only way Allen thought she could make men receive her message was by luring them in using the sex appeal of some young women? If I was a self-respecting male, I would be outrageously insulted by such an assumption.

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As a white female, I feel that I am ill-equipped and too uneducated to really discuss my next issue, but I feel I must raise it. Her scantily-dressed dancers were of black and Asian descent, leaving herself as the only white female in the centre of the choreography. Allen claims that only the best dancers were hired, race was not an issue, and she only refrained from twerking herself, despite trying during rehearsals, due to insecurities (source). This may be so, but the finished product speaks for itself.


In essence, I think that Allen has tried to make a statement that feminism is still alive, if not a little overlooked, and although "sometimes it's hard to find the words to say / [she'll] go ahead and say them anyway". For that, we should be grateful because, although this attempt may have missed its mark by miles, at least she's trying.

New Look: Summer Sale Haul!

Whilst on my summer vacation with my family, I visited the beautiful city of Truro. Being the only city in Cornwall, it is rich in history. The beautiful cobbled streets and the gorgeous cathedral dominate my memories of the enchanting coastal city. It is well worth a visit if ever you are that way.

However, I was fortunate to time my visit with the New Look summer sale. I managed to get myself a few bargains, and here they are!

I purchased this string vest top at a non-sale price, but at £2.99 who can really argue? I already have many in a variety of colours, and I am a fiend for completing any collection I start! Cool white is in this season, and it really sets off a holiday tan.

This pleat mini skirt I picked up for £6.99. It is made of wool but not the scratchy kind (thank goodness!). It is well tailored to fit your frame and feels snug and soft against your skin. I think I will combine this skirt with my black leather jacket and some dark tights come autumn.

This peplum top was a steal at £5.99, and I got an extra £3 for someone's unfortunate smear of foundation along the neckline. I love the colour baby pink, I think it is particularly flattering to a brunette English rose for complementing a warm complexion. The fitting of the top offers an hourglass figure, and  the flared bottom is perfect for hiding any insecurities.

I fell in love with this dress immediately! At a price of only £10, I was more than happy. I have paired the beautiful cream and black dress with polka-heart design with some black over the knee socks (also in the sale for £1.50), which completes my cutesy nerd-chic look.

I have saved the best until last! This gorgeous dress at a staggering £8.99 was my favourite buy of the day. It features a floaty top layer and a more secure under layer but doesn't stick to you or makes you overheat. It features a functional side zip and aesthetic only front zip detail (well, it does work, but I'm not sure you would want it to in public!). The dress has built in cups, so wearing a bra is unnecessary. This ensures no attention is taken away from the spaghetti straps or low back line.

Have you had any luck in the New Look summer sale? I'd love to see your favourite purchases!